It Takes a Village - So Why Does it Bother Me?

I truly believe that it takes a village to raise a child.  I guess lately I've started realizing who that village would include.  I assumed it meant people that I chose to include in my child's life; my spouse, his family, my family and our close friends that spend time with our child.  I would hope that if my darling daughter was doing something inappropriate, someone would speak up and remind her of her manners or a safety issue.  However, the village is larger than that.

1.  The store attendants at the plaza down the street.  When we rent videos or get something from the store, they see her, know she belongs to me have seen her grow up.  I hope that when she becomes a troublesome teen hanging out on the corner that someone else is looking out for her, or at least ready to tattle to me over the morning newspaper pick-up that she's hanging out with a new boy.

2.  Parents of her friends.  She is at the age of attending playdates without me, so therefore susceptible to what is permitted in their house, their attitudes and behaviours.

3.  Daycare workers.  This is a team of people I could not live without as a working mom.  Darling daughter has been in daycare since she turned one year and I returned to work.  I do not take credit for potty training, teaching her sign language or her saying grace when she eats.  Whenever I've been presented with a parenting dilemma, I can get advise based on real experience, not just what worked for their kid.  Plus, sometimes I get lunch leftovers if I need a fast dinner option. 

4.  Teachers and school staff.  I think the extent of this one is just dawning on me.  Obviously my child is in school for the standard hours, learning content that the government feels appropriate.  What bothers me, is the extra stuff.  Dance-a-thon, skip-a-thon, don't eat for a day, etc.  All types of assemblies showing support for various types of causes.  Some days I'm grateful, these are all teachable moments, exposing my child to various types of issues.  Other days, I wish they would just focus on what I feel their job is, which is to teach her to read and write.

Today we are trying to catch up on her book log.  After reading a book, she's supposed to write the title in her log.  Every 5th book, she's supposed to draw a picture of part of a story and write about why likes it and some other stuff.  I hate this.  She hates this.  So we get behind.  Then I start to wonder, if they would just cut down on 'movie days' and all this extra stuff, the teacher would have more time to, well, teach.  Then I could have more quality time with my child than time-outs.

The next part that I have issues with is being made to feel that I'm being tested by the teachers/school.  This week we have to fill out how much 'screen time' our child has each day and what activities to try instead of watching tv or playing on the computer.  This got my back up.  Who are you to tell me how to parent?  I don't come to the school and tell you how to spend your time with my child, though that would be great (read above, no more fun stuff - I want that for me).   I already self monitor her screen time, so I agree with the documentation.  But does it need to come from the school?

If you agree that it takes a village to raise a child, than I guess it does.  I suppose I need to get used to this new group of unknown's that are a part of my child's life.  I don't know these faceless people.  I know her immediate teachers of course, but it's bigger than that.  There are people that supervise her at recess, at lunch, when a teacher calls in sick, the librarian, the office staff, gym staff, custodians and of course the school board itself where most of these newsletters must come from.

So this week, I'll have to be vigilant on spending real quality time with darling daughter lest one of these faceless bureaucrats is judging me...

Poor LIttle Whiny Baby

Nothing bothers me more than whiny people.  Everytime my husband would get a cold and get whiny I would just want to slap him.  When someone close to me would find out I had a cold, I would get the 'oh my god, poor you' phone call.  I think this is ridiculous.  I believe it is appropriate to say to someone 'I hope you feel better', but really, if it's a cold - get over it.  I just want to scream at people "SUCK IT UP BUTTERCUP".  I believe I have actually said it a few times to my darling daughter lest I raise someone that can't function when they are sick.

I feel like I should give a history.  I did not take sick days during school.  If I was so sick that I couldn't go to school, my parents would have to tie me down.  I volunteered outside of school and held a part-time job while taking part in extra curricular activities.  I did not have time to be sick.  I still feel this way.  So I begin to wonder if I have over extended myself...  Because now I am whiny.

There are so many people that have real illnesses, real health concerns, things that make living their life difficult.  Someone suffering from a cold or flu knows that they will get better, they just need some rest.  I can't take lavishing concern on someone who will be better in a couple of days, and definitely don't want it pointed at me.  Until now. 

I am so sick of being sick that I want a pity party.  I want someone to come bring me chicken noodle soup and say 'poor you'.  Mostly because I haven't felt this kind of sick before, the pain has been excruciating and slightly frightening.  I hate letting people down and getting further behind in my schedule, but it happened.  I called in sick to work on Friday, there was no way I could make it through the day after Thursday which I will fondly remember as the worst day ever that wrapped up the worst week ever.  I'm sure it was due to a stressful week, but has my health deteriorated to a point that it can't withstand stress?

Calling in sick one day isn't really the problem, I work enough to make up for it.  However, I was to volunteer all weekend and I had to flake out.  This bothers me.  Usually if I'm sick, I just need a day or two to recuperate, but it's taking a lot longer than that.  And while I'm sick, the state of the house is decreasing too which never takes much to happen.  I can't afford to take any more time off work as with two 4 day weeks coming up then a short week before a much needed vacation, I can't get behind in my work (without adding more stress).

Yes, the obvious answer is to find a better way to deal with the stress than allowing my health to keep taking these hits.  I need to eat well and make time for exercise - but jeez that's half of what stresses me out!

So this weekend, I've had a pity party - my first one.  I crashed Thursday night, but in between my sobbing for relief, I remember asking my daughter if she ate dinner while she covered me up with more blankets to ward against the chills.  Friday we snuggled as I was more conscious and enjoyed endless hours of My Little Pony.  Saturday she had plans with her grandparents so I could watch what I wanted and I was actually able to leave the couch for short periods of time.  I have to admit that my husband for once did help out and even bought me ice cream.  This has never happened before so I've been grateful.  I've even heard the doors on the washer and dryer once in a while so he may be doing laundry (insert happy dance when I have energy here).

I guess the morale of my story is this - even if you think you can do it all and don't like to show weakness, something may force you to.  This was my time.   Maybe my family pitched in and helped out because they never see me like this.  And thankfully, no one has uttered the words 'suck it up buttercup' back to me.

Spring is here!

It’s hard to even think about if things are going well.  Some days I feel great anxiety when I think about all the things going on in my life, which is silly really.  If I take a few breaths and look at the big picture, I can calm down again.  I am happy with my life, everything that happens is due to something I chose, and I can’t complain.  I am unhappy with how I keep treating myself though.  I keep making choices that aren’t best for my health.  I have gained weight instead of lost it, completely due to poor choices.  I am so good at telling other people how to get it done, but I never take my own advice.  This time does seem worse than others, usually I can at least get into a great routine for at least a month or so, but not this time.

However, there is more to life than lamenting about my lack of willpower!  This was such a busy week filled with little moments.  My husband is frustrated with his work, so he’s coming home at a decent hour each night which leads to less stress for him, and my daughter having her daddy home.  I picked my daughter up from her Nana’s one night, went to Sparks the next, then a story time at her school another night.  Today we went with one of her friends to the movies and had her over for a playdate.  It was nice to see two little girls playing in the Spring sunshine with my two dogs while my husband was doing yard work.  I love how they run and play without caring what other people think, I hope she can hang onto that for a long time yet.  Tomorrow is her last skating lesson but I wish they could go on.  It’s good exercise for her, both physically and emotionally.  My daughter has a hard time with strangers, even just walking by them.  To see her skating with so many people she doesn’t know makes me happy.  It will be bittersweet for me too as I get to chat with a friend while we watch our girls, occasionally partaking in arena fare or just a tea.

Everyone in my house is asleep and it’s very early.  All the fresh air today did them in while I just breathed in windex and toilet bowl cleaner…  Right now I’m working on hubbies birthday cake for his dinner tomorrow.  My daughter wants to decorate it so   I want to get it done and cooled by tomorrow morning.  I’ll be off to bed at a decent time though, I want to wake up early and exercise.  It’s a new week and I may as well try again to be healthy…

Enjoy the Spring!